Grief Impacts Us All
A life without some loss in unavoidable, it impacts us all. But not everyone has the privilege to grieve. Grief is a personal journey. There are many factors that restrict, define, and guide a person’s process of grieving. We all suffer losses which can be described as big or little, depending on the person. Death is usually the first loss that comes to mind, but there are countless more. For example, divorce, unachieved dreams, moving, loss of financial stability, friendships, romantic partners, health, and infertility are losses that are experienced by us all. Pauline Boss coined the term Ambiguous Loss. These are living losses that we grieve such as an absent family member due to incarceration, Alzheimer's, war, abandonment, depression, addiction, brain injury, any many more. These are the types of losses many of us do not get to you grieve.
Bowen (1999) describes disenfranchised grief as “any loss that is hidden, or that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, publicly mourned, or socially supported”. Our family, friends, religion, gender, culture, etc. all impact our grief experience or lack thereof. When grieving we all need a safe place to do so with a person we can trust who can help carry those heavy feelings (Berzoff, 2003). Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross developed the Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance; which are rather popular. No one goes through these stages the same way and often times they are experienced more than once.
Here are some tips that can help you during times of grief and loss:
Mindfulness Meditation
Journaling
A Support Group
Honoring you loss with a ritual or ceremony
Talking to someone you trust about the loss
Taking care of you during the time is extremely important. Even if you only have a few minutes to honor your loss. Taking moments to grieve and then to get back into the flow of your life is perfectly normal, and necessary. You should not get stuck in the pain of your grief, nor should you avoid it. There will also be time that you need more support to work through your grief, and that’s okay. There are many therapists who are trained to use various treatment modalities that could be helpful during this difficult time.
References: Berzoff, J. (2003). Psychodynamic Theories in Grief and Bereavement. Smith College Studies in Social Work, 73(3), 273-297. Bowman, T. (1999). Shattered Dreams, Resiliency, and Hope: “Restorying” After Loss. Journal of Personal and Interpersonal Loss, 4: 179-193.
