Your heart is pounding, chest is tight, body shaking, voice loud and teeth are gritting. Then there is an argument, a fight, dishes breaking, doors slamming, middle finger flying and spiteful comments are thrown around; these are frequent inappropriate displays of anger. Another display is the anger kept bottled up inside that you try to ignore, feed, or medicate. This demonstration of anger should not be your guide. Many of us have learned to deal with our anger in these ways. Anger is a normal and powerful emotion, but this is NOT the way to deal with it. 

You’ve learned this by observing the people closest to you and maybe even on television. You’ve seen this display of anger so much that it’s easy to believe it is a normal way to behave when you are angry. The thing is, anger is powerful and needs an outlet. Repressing your anger just causes more problems. The anger kept inside and ignored will grow. This is the “I’m fine. Everything’s okay” response to anger. This reaction to your anger creates space for it to grow into hatred, bitterness and resentment. So how do you deal with this powerful emotion?

Depending on how long you’ve been dealing with anger and it’s intensity, you may find that you’ll need some extra support to help you work through your emotions. These are the times that you should seek out the support of a trained therapist. Somethings you can try to help you express your anger that does not evolve the behaviors described earlier are:

1. Let the feeling of anger flow through you

2. Write down your thoughts or feelings 

3. Meditation or deep breathing

4. Listen to music

5. Move your body: take a walk or exercise

Start spending less time guilting yourself for feeling angry. ANGER IS NORMAL. Changing the ways you deal with anger will take time. Be kind to yourself and continue to learn from your mistakes. There will be numerous situations that trigger this emotion, don’t allow your anger to control you. 

References:

Beattie, M. (1992). Codependent No More. Minnesota: Hazelden.